Disturbing Thoughts
by Saphimire Karishnikova
Summary: Pre HBP A new girl comes to Hogwarts and catches Harry's attention. He finds out about her horrific past but what can he do? She shuns him like every one else she meets...
1. Chapter 1

Disclamer: I do not own anyone but Saphimire Eas.

Please enjoy, but be warned, some may think that this story is a little disturbing. It is also my first fic...

Disturbing Thoughts

Chapter 1

Sixteen years ago, a girl was born into a wizarding family. Her mother, who loved her daughter dearly, died soon after giving birth. The girl was rosy and blissful, as carefree as any newly-born. Her father, however, had loved his wife very much and felt that it was his daughter's fault that his wife had died. To punish his daughter, he made love to her, as soon as she was old enough. Before that age, however, he was an attentive and seemingly caring father. But inside the father was a great ball of hatred.

Luckily for the girl, she did not know that her father hared her. She also did not know that the gather only wanted to make his daughter entirely under his control. When she was four, he dubbed her old enough to make love to. Ever since that first day of sex, the father never let her wear clothes in the house (so he could touch her and make love to her at any time of the day). The only reason he bought her clothes was that she needed to go to school.

However, though it may seem that school may have been a sanctuary for the young girl, it was not. Thought the first few years went by without incident, when she was 8, one of her male teachers raped her and told her that she should expect more from him. (When the father heard about this, he was pleased.) The girl was used to somebody entering her now, for her father entered her almost everyday. After that one teacher raped her, it seemed that every male teacher raped her the next day (the first teacher told the others). This was sad because all of her teachers were male.

During that year, this unfortunate girl's breasts started to develop prematurely. The girl suspected that her father was tinkering with her body, to give him more pleasure. But she didn't approach him on the subject. Though what he did to her was barbarious, she still loved him. However, the premature growing of her breasts caught more that just her attention. The teacher that she was currently sharing a bed with noticed it too and her grades moved even higher.

There were also downsides (if you could call the other effects good) from her father's tinkering with her body. The boys in her class were now paying her more attention. She did not like this but was helpless to stop it as they were all stronger than she was. Soon she had made love to over half the boys in her class and she had to continue it.

Her father died when his daughter was 9. She was then sent to an orphanage where the teachers were again, all male. (She thought that her father arranged that she was always to go to a school where the teachers were all male.) In that school for the orphans, the same thing happened again, but this time with more ferocity of the male partner. It also happened faster. Before the end of the week, she had been forced to promise her body to over half of the class.

By this time her womanly curves were now showing and her body had become slim, beautiful, and agile. Her favorite hobbies were sports and curling up catlike on a couch with a good book. Her body showed the effect of the exercise of her hobbies. Her body also knew how to create the most pleasure form a partner in sex. It was for that reason that she hated her beautiful, model body, because she know that her father had tinkered with it, to give him (non-existent) future pleasure.

Many times she had considered suicide or harming her body to get rid of the perfect curves. But every time her resolve would wither away. She had so much to do and her life depended on her body to survive. Her father had no fortune and her other's fortune was in England (she lived in Bermuda). So, to survive through the summer holidays, she sold her body.

This must sound very confusing so I will give you more facts. Our girl was accepted into Bermuda's school of magic. She became a prostitute to be able to buy her wand and robes. She soon became immersed in magic. However, as in ever school she has been to, things began to happen. The male professors told her that they would like her to warm up their beds for them, none too gently or politely. Male classmates invited her to their beds, forcefully. Because she wanted to be a good student and have a good 'out-ward' reputation, she consented. One of the most important reasons was because she would be killed if she didn't consent.

She signed up for Quidditch as son as she was old enough. Her father had always let her play Quidditch; he even bought her a Nimbus Two-Thousand in his will. She loved Quidditch (another hobby is singing). She had been practicing as a Keeper, Chaser or Seeker as she was too slight to be a Beater. The school team wanted her to be a Seeker. Only Quidditch made her feel like she was alive, like she had something to live for.

As soon as she was old enough, she applied for Immigration to England. She was accepted at the end of her 5th year. Though the male teachers all gave her food grades, she had earned them. In the practical exams of OWLS, she had been the best of her class and was able to do everything that the examiner asked. When her exam marks had come, she had gotten 14 OWLS out of 17 possible OWLS.

She sent a letter to the Headmaster of Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry asking to be placed into the 6th year of the school. Then she started to save from all of her bedtime works to be able to buy a ticket to England. Soon her snowy owl, Haom, a male owl, came back with a letter from Hogwarts saying that the Headmaster would be delighted if she could attend his school. He would discuss with her late Headmaster about her grades and which house they should put her in. Seeing that her late Headmaster was one of those that had shared a bed with her, she expected a good report.

When she got a letter that it was official that she was attending Hogwarts and that she would be in Gryffindor, she bought her ticket to England and left her past behind.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except Saphimire Eas.

Chapter 2

She had read about Dumbledore and thought that he must have a good mind. She also found that Harry Potter was attending his school. She had decided that to five a food first impression, she would not gape at his scar and say, "THE Harry Potter?" She had stayed in Diagon Ally the moment she arrived. She knew that Voldemort was back and had decided to stay in a place where it was safer with all of the shoppers.

She bought all of her books the first day she arrived and bought her robes early. Then she went to buy a new wand at Ollivander's. When she left the shop, she was thoroughly spooked, not only by his attitude, but by his words.

"Interesting," he said as he packed away her new wand. "You know," he continued, "the phoenix feather in hour wand has 2 brothers. 1 with the Darkest wizard ever born, the other with a boy with green eyes, who is as old as you. This wand I made only yesterday."

She reflected back on what he had said and shuddered. She couldn't understand the last statement but the others made her shudder.

She bought a Firebolt and the rest of her school supplies before storing them in her room. She magically protected her belongings (4th years and up can now use magic) and locked the door to her Leaking Cauldron room. Seeing that the sun was hot and in the middle of the sky, she went and got a sundae. Her mind drifted and se took a wrong turn.

"Would you mind if I borrowed you clothes?" said a raspy voice as a hand gripped her arm in a tight grip. The speaker was a man, an old knobby man, whose eyes flinted as he surveyed her hips and breasts. She dropped her sundae and ran, wrenching her arm out of the man's grasp. He gave chase, moving very quickly for such an old man. She hid behind a plump red-haired lady.

The man ran away before the lady could take out her rage on them, for she was going purple in the face. She mad sure that they were gone before turning to the girl. "Are you alright?" Mrs. Weasley asked kindly. The girl nodded slowly because she had just seen the group of teenagers clustered around the lady. One had green eyes.

12 years of abuse, mistreatment, rape and the selling of one's body had mad the girl ber cautious and withdrawn.

Ron and Harry surveyed the new girl. She was the stereotypical model that many girls wanted to be. The womanly curves were distinct. That combined with creamy golden flawless skin made many a male drool. She had slightly wavy thick black-blue hair down to her mid-back (it was in a ponytail) and piercing clear blue eyes. She didn't seem to be wearing make-up but her face gave that impression.

Mrs. Weasley saw her son's eyes roaming over the girl's body and quickly introduced the group of Hermione, Ginny, Harry, and Ron to the stranger. When she got to Harry, something flickered in the girl's eyes but she acted as if Harry was just another human being. She smiled and nodded at every one of them. When Mrs. Weasley finished she introduced herself. "Nice to meet all of you. My name is Saphimire Eas, I came from Bermuda. You can call me Saph if you want." Her voice was musical, flowing around the others like water. It came from years of joining choirs.

Saph continued to buy her things with the Weasleys, Harry and Hermione before retiring to her room. She then didn't give them another thought.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters except Saphimire Eas.

Chapter 3

When Saph arrived at Platform 93/4, she sat in a compartment of the train alone as whispers circulated the train. Saph seem to be totally absorbed in her book as people peered at the lone girl. When somebody opened the door of the compartment she snapped her head up and came face to face with Draco Malfoy.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" he drawled. The two people flanking him stood guard at the door before closing the said door. "Shouldn't we have some fun?" Malfoy sneered, advancing on the girl.

Saph backed up, until she hit the back of the compartment. Her face showed calm and tranquility, as if this was a day to day occurrence (which it was to her). That infuriated Malfoy. He thought that she would be at least frightened of him. He hit Saphimire on the face, a slap more or less. The force of the blow left her sprawling on the floor beside Malfoy. She inched her way to the door. When she thought that the guards were not paying attention, she swung open the door and bolted out – only to be thrown back in.

Malfoy laughed a cold laugh as Saph hit him full in the chest. He grabbed her and was about to force her on the floor before "Let her go Malfoy." Harry, Ron, and Hermione stood in from of the door. Harry and Ron livid, Hermione horrified. Malfoy smirked and promptly dropped the girl. She curled up into a small ball, her face still calm. She didn't trust any of them.

"Do you want her for yourself?" asked Malfoy scathingly, "The famous Harry Potter always gets what he wants even bedroom partners." Malfoy didn't budge from between Harry and Saph. "Come," called Harry kindly but Saph didn't move from her crouched position on the floor. She didn't trust the Potter boy any more than she trusted Malfoy.

"See Potter? She likes my company better than yours," Malfoy turn back to his prey, "Don't you?" he added menacingly, grabbing the girl's chin and tilting it up to meet his eyes. Saph growled and spat in his face before wrenching her jaw from his grasp and scooting to the farthest corner away from him. She only acted that way because there were people there, watching, for the Potter boy and his friends were not the only spectators. They did not know about her past.

Malfoy hissed and advanced on Saph but was cut short by Harry. "You've had you chance, now get out," he growled. Glaring daggers at the girl at his feet, who was looking up at his defiantly, and his archenemy, Malfoy swept from the room imperiously, taking his tow sidekicks along with him.

Harry entered the compartment first, holding out a hand of Saph. The girl, however, just stared at the offered hand. Her painfully sharp blue gaze traveled up the arm and met Harry's green eyes before standing up without help. Her eyes became shadowed and she looked down. "Thanks," she whispered before sitting downed slumped. "Hey, no problem," replied the ever enthusiastic Ronald before getting an elbow in the ribs by Hermione. Saph gave a watery smile before inviting them to sit down. The four of them made polite conversation until they arrived at Hogwarts. Saph took a deep breath before jumping lightly down from the train and following her new found friends.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Professor McGonagall approached Saph when they arrived at the castle. "Saphimire Eas?" she asked. At Saph's nod, McGonagall continued, "Professor Dumbledore would like a word with you. If you would follow me," Saph smiled reassuringly at her new friends before hurrying off after Professor McGonagall. When they arrived at the entrance to Professor Dumbledore's office, McGonagall gave the password, "Treacle Tart" and they went in. McGonagall left them after Dumbledore allowed them in.

"Sit, sit," he said, gesturing to an empty chair. He himself sat behind his desk, and, looking over his half-moon spectacles, he said, "Your former Headmaster had given me a very good report of you. You will be placed in sixth year and in Gryffindor. Though Headmaster Drether did also let something else slip." At this Saph stiffened and Dumbledore leaned forward. "He said that you are pleasure to teach," Dumbledore continued, putting emphasis on the word pleasure. "Did you forget to tell me something, hm?" Dumbledore asked kindly.

Saph took a deep breath and said, "You are asking for my autobiography, Professor." Dumbledore nodded, and said, "I'm listening. Do not be afraid." Saph raised a hand and asked, "I have a request to make. Please do not interrupt me while I am speaking."

Saph took several breaths before beginning. She told the professor about her mother and her father and what abuse she took from him. She told him about school and about the summer holidays. She talked about her summer jobs and what she had to do. When she was finished, Dumbledore was thoroughly shocked. Saph, however, still sat straight and proud.

Dumbledore stood up and walked over to the Pensive. He pressed the tip of his wand to his temple and placed the memory into the Pensive. He continued to do this for about 5 minutes. During that time, Saph sat uneasily in her chair, not knowing if she would be kicked out of this school. She hadn't told any one about her past and there she was, spewing out all her secrets to a complete stranger. But it felt better to be able to share the secrets in her heart and she felt that Dumbledore wouldn't go telling people about it.

When he was finished, Dumbledore came back and said, not unkindly, "You should go to the Great Hall for the sorting now; I will have to do something before I join you." Saph breathed a sigh of relief. 'Perhaps he isn't like the other principals or Headmasters. Perhaps I can find a place in this school. Perhaps I can become a normal girl.'


End file.
